10 Reasons Why 'Ram-Leela' Sucks
Now before reading this,
you should know I’m a Sanjay Leela Bhansali fan. I’m the guy who cried during
‘Black’ and consider ‘Devdas’ to be amongst the finest Indian films ever made.
So nothing in the world could make me hate a Sanjay Leela Bhansali film, but
Sanjay Leela Bhansali himself. And BOY, has SLB (name too long, let’s
abbreviate) managed to do that with 'Ram-Leela'!
‘Ram-Leela’ is a perfect
example of team effort, with the collective spirited work of 3 big names
working together. Sanjay. Leela. And of course, Bhansali. The film is directed
by Bhansali. Produced by Bhansali. Written by Bhansali. Edited by Bhansali. The
music is also by Bhansali. The character of ‘Ram’, played by Ranveer Singh, is
also in turn played by Bhansali (where do you think all that facial hair came
from?).
Anyhow, (in no
particular order) here are the 10 reasons I LOVED ‘Ram Leela’. (Sarcasm |ˈsärˌkazəm| noun ; the
use of irony to mock or convey contempt).
1. Supriya Pathak
Supriya Pathak Shah is a fine, fine actor. It must have taken
stupendously bad direction to make her act this horribly in the film. Though
she plays a godmother/don, she ends up looking more of a madam at a brothel
looking to sell off Deepika Padukone to a London-gujju boy. Tch tch.
2. Gujju Accent
Sure, you’re making a film about Gujaratis in Gujarat. But that
does not mean you have all your characters talk like they’re sidekicks from
‘Tarak Mehta ka Oolta Chashma’. Gujaratis in the film are reduced to
caricatures, specially the painful opening scene of a gun seller (to begin
with). There are literally moments when Supriya Pathak Shah seems to give-up and
get into her ‘Hansa’ mode.
3. Sexual innuendos
Okay. THIS really made me sit up. The film is peppered with SO
many cheap sexual innuendos and cheap dialogues that you end up forgetting
you’re watching a Bhansali film. In essence, ‘Ram-Leela’ was like Sanjay Leela
Bhansali ‘Grand Masti’ (or Grandiose Masti, if you please).
4. Songs
To be honest, I was sort of glad for the songs. They served as
convenient toilet breaks. My only regret (apart from entering the movie hall),
was that I didn’t drink enough water; as a result of which, after my first two
loo breaks (called “Tattad Tattad" and “Lahu Muh Lag Gaya”) I had to SIT through
the rest of the painfully mediocre and below-average songs. I can’t believe I’m
saying this, but I missed Ismail ka Darbar.
5. Animation/VFX
Somewhere during the film, (as if there weren’t enough characters
already) SLB seems to get bored and introduces the character of a VFX peacock.
I can imagine SLB at the VFX studio telling the VFX artist “Yaar.. yahan ek
peacock daal dete hain”. The result being we see a very uncomfortable animated
peacock looking as aesthetic as Manmohan Singh at a Bunga-Bunga party.
6. Scale/Color
The basic idea behind the look of ‘Ram-Leela’ was a major shift in
color from Blue to Red. Bas. Also, there seemed to be empty efforts in making
the film look like a grand scale production. The efforts fall flat. And all we
see is a bloodied movie lying in the theatres, bleeding red.
7. Ranveer Singh
Though I find Ranveer Singh repulsive enough as it is, there was
something extra-special about him in the film that made me wish his character
would die in the intermission. So while I was having a difficult time choosing
between his beard and his face for the reasons of repel, an over-zealous lady
seated next to me murmured to her friend “Kitna tel laga rakha hai yaar”. And
that was my eureka moment. His body is almost always covered/splattered/dipped
in oil. Is he a masseuse’s love child? Any more oil, and the US would have
invaded his body. If THIS is what the women of my generation are drooling over,
I want to live in Mars.
8. Length
At 23 years and 4 minutes, ‘Ram-Leela’ is one of the longest films
I’ve ever had to sit through. My moment of joy in this film was watching the
Google:Reunion ad on the big screen during the intermission. And going home.
9. Dialogues
While SLB read ‘Romeo & Juliet’, his team had only one work
before the film started shooting – to find as many SMS shayaris they can with
words that rhyme with ‘Ram’, ‘Leela’ and ‘Wife’. And incorporate the same into
the film’s script. Which brings us to intense and sad moments in the film where
the characters are too busy finding rhyming words to construct a reply. (Also,
anyone from the team who did not find a shayari rhyming with ‘Bhansali’ was
fired).
10. Priyanka Chopra
Having made up her mind to be part of every trashy
film/song/video, Priyanka Chopra continues to embarrass us with an embarrassing
item song performance. Though her appearance in the film was (thankfully)
short, we must all thank the Lord that she did not sing the song. Throughout
the not-so-Exotic song, Ranveer Singh is ogling at her, as if thinking ‘What is
she doing In My City’.
Deepika Padukone was the only saving grace, looking fabulous
through the film. Except for that scene where she performs a very scary voodoo
dance on the bed with a smoke pot in her hands – all to seduce Ranveer. SLB
really needs to get his erotic seducing tactics right.
In all, ‘Ram-Leela’ is a thoroughly enjoyable film which you can
watch while your children grow old, learning the art of being chivalrous in
life from Ranveer Singh.
Sir #Sanjay_Leela_Bhasali 's #Shakespeare adoptaion became "S*X & PYAR" finally. It sucks.........It shitty!!
#KUDOS the all ARTISTS(as they served their all efforts to fullfill SLB's demands) from the film except the director himself!
Then this this is the best movie for you ... lol .. Bullshit logic :P
acchii movie dekhne ki aadat nahi hena isi liye ese reason's aate hai ,
P.s. Tumse nahi ho payega , jao dekho apni DDLJ ...
This is the worst reviews I have ever read....
@Anonymous#2 Thank you!
@Anonymous#3 Thank you for reading :) Do come back to read some even more worse reviews!
...definatly follow up.
...keep going
i couldn't stop laughing at the SMS shayari point . And your usage of English is impeccable.
kudos
What's interesting to see is how all the negative comments come from people who hide behind the 'anonymous' tag! :)
I wrote the following on my FB page :P :
#Ishaqzaade+Asian Paints = #Ramleela !!!
SLB: Why make Shakespeare turn in his grave when all u wanted is to become a member of 100 crore club??
If Romeo-Juliet, the classic was the focal point, I preferred QSQT version as it comes close to the novel in all aspects--love, longing, romance in the backdrop of age old clan rivalry. Oh, I forgot, I belong to old school of thought. Where as the current cinematic experience is no longer to be felt but should hit u on your face with its over the top histrionics.
In a nutshell, SLB used two pupils(with hot sizzling chemistry which could be seamlessly translated on-screen too) to tell the story of "the birds and the bees" in the blackboard jungle.
On second thoughts,on a gloomy, rainy Sunday morning, if you are keen to watch Deepika's chance pe dance, Ranveer's mauke pe chauka, SLB's mid-life crisis symptoms then Go for IT!!!
Pallavi Singh
1. Supriya Pathak. Agreed, she could have been running a brothel. But, give her due credit, for she was funny where she needed to be.
3. Sexual Innuendos. Okay, so if you were to go to a small village in the middle of the raan, I really doubt you will find classy pick-up lines and subtle sexual intentions. I don't know what SLB intended but, I think he decided to be realistic about what one would find in an environment such as that.
6. Yes, red was predominant in the movie. But, did you not notice how each shot told a story and how each shot was beautiful in terms of color, components and grandiose?
10. Priyanka Chopra brought more sensuality to the screen, in the first 5 seconds she was on it, than Deepika could in the entire duration of the movie. The voodoo dance only set her back further.
Yes, there was a point that I felt that it could have been a musical. Yes, Raveer Sigh had ludicrous amounts of teel on him.
Yet, when I look at the bigger picture, it is commendable. There was drama. There was beauty. It had all the components for a good movie. A good Indian dramatic Rom-Com.
As for your writing, you're funny, maybe you should do one on Krish 3, if you dare to watch it. Might be an interesting read. (:
I don't know about 'Krrish 3', but I saw 'Gori Tere Pyaar Main' today and will be putting up my 10 Reasons for that shortly :)
Killer review!
If you don't understand the appeal then you have no right to complain about it! It's like girls complaining about men being attracted to big boobs. Why?
This was (especially the song Tattad) probably the first gratuitously female oriented scene in Bollywood ever! So all hail SJB for it! Ranveer looked beyond!
This article is godsent! - http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CC8QFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.firstpost.com%2Fbollywood%2Fthank-you-mr-bhansali-for-turning-ranveer-into-an-item-boy-in-ram-leela-1235861.html&ei=gMV2U8IJybs55PKBUA&usg=AFQjCNGbx_NvEbbOt0LIXHtPQZGO6J--9Q&sig2=PPYpRyuTfl2jHtObSfpgmg&bvm=bv.66917471,d.ZWU