Director : Farah Khan (Seriously?!)


In the beginning of the film, we realize that Katrina's character is called Sheila Kijawani and the item song that's been ruling the charts suddenly seems so smartly contrived. It almost makes you expect better things, even as 'Shiela ki Jawani' gets done mere minutes into the film. But as the film proceeds, the naming of the character seems the smartest trick in the film. For TMK goes from bad to worse to worse to worse.

Tees Maar Khan is simply so bad that its hard to believe it comes from the same team that gave us 'Main Hoon Na' and 'Om Shanti Om'. The biggest loophole in TMK is its amateurish writing with dialogues that get absolutely dull. Akshay hammers on with the trailer dialogue that goes 'Tawaif ki loot ti izzat ko bachana, aur TMK ko pakadna namumkin hai'. The dialogues get so amazingly dull that you are forced to repeat the dialogue once more to say to yourself 'Tawaif ki loot ti izzat ko bachana, aur TMK ko doobne se bachana namumkin hai'.




Surprisingly, the premise for the story is pretty interesting. Inspired from 'After the Fox', a Hollywood comedy from the 60's, it involves a talented thief, Tabrez Mirza Khan(talented because his mum watched crime films when he was still in her womb) who's hired to rob an antiques-filled train. And yes, Tabrez Mirza Khan IS Tees Maar Khan, as he so painfully reminds us with those torturous, repetitive monologues. He carries out the heist on the pretext of making a Hollywood film with his wannabe actress girlfriend(Katrina Kaif)and an Oscar-desperate actor(Akshay Khanna) in the lead. Through the film, Tees Maar Khan uses an entire village to be his unknowing partners in crime. The rest of the movie is about the making of this phony film.

As this film-within-a-film concept unravels, you wonder which is the phony one - the one being made in the film or the one being shown on screen.


It is to be noted that Farah Khan passed on the writing baton to hubby Shirish Kunder and his brother and stuck to direction and choreography. And it is these two things that save the film from being an absolute disaster, because Farah manages to bring leeetle(and that's 3 e's) life to the movie with her trademark style and brilliant choreography. The two item songs and a funny Akshay Khanna sequence makes the film bearable pre-intermission. The 2nd half is amazingly stupid and remains so. The Kunder brothers have been claiming TMK to be their pet project for a long time, and now there is no doubt that it was. Shirish's previous 'masterpiece' - 'Jaan-e-man' could win a National Award in comparison to TMK.
Yes, its that bad.


If you manage to stay till then, the end credits are way more entertaining than the film, with the crew accepting Oscar awards. Talk about sarcasm. As far as acting is concerned, Akshay Kumar as Tees Maar Khan does nothing that he hasn't done in his previous shit-pieces. There is screaming, noise, confusion and Akshay prancing around in a self-made humor tutu. Absolutely nothing new. Katrina, however, fits in perfectly as the silly girlfriend/item girl/wannabe actress. There is nothing more that you expect from her anyway. Apart from the first two item numbers, Vishal-Shekhar's music is un-impressive. It almost seems like they got bored after catching the dull drift well within the film. The only thing that saves this film is its flashy, sharp direction which remains the only reminder that its a Farah Khan film.
An absolute waste of money.

I give it a 1.5/5.

Watch it only if you have nothing, ABSOLUTELY nothing to do. And rent a DVD.

Corruption in India is a very strange issue. As we all know, everyone likes talking about it, but very few actually do something. Except of course talk. By talk, I mean to include every aspect of verbal criticism, speculation, gossip and of course, curses. The last one is a popular way of expressing the sentiments of the people towards corruption.

Now I doubt anyone would actually mind, or even notice, if I'd have replaced 'corruption' by 'politics' in the above paragraph. For in today's India, corruption is almost synonymous with politics. So synonymous in fact, that they can be used interchangeably which is the very point I wanted to highlight. Now I know 99%of you are here, even bothering to read this, because of the title. I will come to that in a short while.

The great thing about India is that each and every person is entitled to their two-paisa worth opinion and most of us make absolute use of this opportunity, like me(Brittania's music- tin tin tin tin). But the question really is how concerned are we towards corruption/politics? I'll tell you. We read/hear about all these scams - 2G spectrum, CommonWealth Games, the Yeddy land scam, the CVC appointment etc. and ogle at the big numbers that are involved and then realise in a moment that there is a 'crores' after that huge number. After cursing the politicians and wondering if so much money actually exists in India, you go about doing your work. Nothing wrong about it.

Except of course that there is nothing right either.

Now let me tell you about this recent encounter I had with a friend. As we met, I brought to his notice about how the Indian Government lost a staggering amount of Rs.1,70,000 Crores just because the ex-Union Minister for Telecom - Raja took the wrong approach in issuing spectrum licenses. And his response was, 'Abe, G*** maraye Raja, ye dekh!'

And with that, he swishes out his mobile like a sword and with supernatural speed (I bet it was on his home screen!) showed me a video of Katrina Kaif gyrating in a sexed up costume. As he increased the volume slowly, I could hear rhythmic dhol beats, and in no time indeed, it started..

"Sheela.. Sheela ki jawani..."

Yes, the song is awesome and so is Katrina in it. But at that time I happened to see the friend and his face which was moving as if controlled by Katrina's every hip-swing and bosom-thump. It seemed to have a life of its own. I mean it could've been the beats too, but I prefer to think (and am pretty sure) it was the former. Nonetheless, I was amazed to notice how very un-perturbed he was with the staggering amount I quoted and was instead mesmerised with Sheela's jawani.

Now before you tag me as a sad, boring geek, I'd like to confess that Sheila had my full attention too. I mean it IS.. I .. err.. I mean.. you know.. Nice. If you haven't seen it yet, don't judge me. If you have, they you probably have too *sigh. Let us come to the point, shall we?

Sheela Ki Jawani was all it took for the friend to forget the Rs.1,70,000 rupee loss. Why, had the song played during the CAG investigation that caught Raja, maybe he'd have gone scot-free. I wonder if he's even heard the song yet, or even knows the potential it had to divert attention from the muck of politics. HIS muck atleast. For it is impossible to attribute the entire muck to one person. For there is Yeddyurappa and many other appas of corruption lingering in every state. Yeddyurappa, for now, continues defying his party bosses with pressure politics and blackmail, thanks to the support of the 100 something MLA's and MP's he enjoys. And while he digs in his heels for the CM's position, its understandable for the BJP leaders to envy the Congress. For no matter how many scandals the Congress is accused of, no one, and I mean NO ONE defies what Sonia Gandhi says. Ashok Chavan, Suresh Kalmadi and now Raja were removed with an effortless 'Go' By Sonia. And for that reason alone, Congress is better poised at the centre than BJP will ever be.

Nevermind my political views. Our dear politicians are an arrogant lot, and Yeddyurappa is a standing example of that. Politics and corruption go way back, just like money and happiness. There are few people who believe otherwise in both cases.

So while the politicians go about doing their manmani, I suggest you go watch Sheela Ki Jawani. B-)


Yes my Friend, you too.

Director : David Yates

Before you read this, know well that I am a Potter-maniac of the highest degree and anything branded 'Potter' will have my upmost approval. Nevertheless, I will try my best to review this film exactly like it isn't - just another movie.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 is, in one word, God-Awesome! Now that I have briefly described the film, I will start with the reasons.

Now for several years, the book fans have complained that the Potter movies take their creative liberty a little too far and deviate considerably from the story to suit cinematic paradigms. But Deathly Hallows truly takes inspiration from the book and remains faithful to even the tiniest plot point. This disproves several critics who claimed that the movie-split decision was purely financial. It is clear that Yates could not have made a single final movie and stayed true to the book at the same time. So splitting seemed obvious, resulting in the Finale getting extended to the delight of fans worldwide.



The film begins, and for most part, maintains a dark, brooding tone that compliments the events of the story. The first part of Deathly Hallows has its own share of shocking deaths. But there is hardly a moment to mourn, as there's a reason to laugh in the very next. The movie starts with the effects the magical world has on Muggles - scenes of the Dursleys leaving their home and Hermoine erasing her parents memory, even as Voldemort tortures the Muggle Studies teacher from Hogwarts, who pleads for help to colleague Snape sitting right at the Dark Lord's side. With Dumbledore gone, Harry's turning of age means he should be put right into a safe house, with the flight from Privet Drive turning out to be an ambush. There-after, the movie proceeds on and this time around, the trio, instead of being on the train to Hogwarts, go around camping across beautiful landscapes to escape the Death Eaters on the prowl and gather clues that would lead them to the next bit of Voldemort's soul.

Now the movie is most definitely the best one in the series so far, simply because it is much more dark and much more strongly driven. There is the slight characteristic dip somewhere in between that we've come to expect from Yates's movies. But otherwise, the film is crackling for most parts, with several moments that bring you to the edge of the seat and immediately throw you back. The music, the locales and the very feel of the film gives you the impression of oncoming dread, and in several ways the film is a perfect set-up to what I can imagine would be a magnanimous end. The movie ends on two notes, one of a burial and another of an un-burial, one tear-jerking while the other gut-wrenching.

Also, the movie truly belongs to the coming-of-age trio of Harry, Ron and Hermoine as there is no one else to hog the screen space this time around. This movie tests the bonds that they've formed over the years like never before. Also, with Dumbledore's absence, Lord Voldemort becomes more visible and the audience gets to see more of him in this film. With a neat and near-flawless execution of a brilliantly written plot, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 definitely sets the tone for the final movie and gets a 4/5 from me.
I recommend you go and catch this one right away.

Don't miss.

Director : David Fincher

Now there have been many movies in the past that have shown the back story of a famous phenomenon that affected an entire generation, and arguably Facebook is that phenomenon of this generation. But what sets 'The Social Network' apart is its complete indifference to the way it portrays the character of Mark Zuckerberg, the founder of Facebook. By not giving clear reasons for his sort-of villainous actions, the film leaves it to the viewer to decide and even as the end credits roll, even much after that actually, you are left with a seeming doubt in mind - Hero or Villain? For the movie seems to be trying hard to convince the viewer that Mark is both. The other major characters of Mark's only friend Edourdo(Andrew Garfield) and the Napster founder Sean Parker(Justin Timberlake) are written with clear cut white and dark shades respectively.



The story behind Facebook, as with all great things, is actually pretty elemental. A break-up sets off a turn of events in the life of young Mark(Jesse Eisenberg), as he sets about creating what would become the world's most famous social networking site. As the story proceeds, with flashbacks and current happenings, we discover the various betrayals and events that shaped Facebook as we know it(including how the 'The' got knocked off from Facebook.com) and what would have been a pretty average story is super enhanced by crackling,on-your-face dialogues that take time for you to register, as the film is littered with just so many of them. Not only that, but the fine, restrained performances by all the actors adds a depth to the movie that makes it very realistic. The movie may not appeal to some sections of the audience simple because the movie's progress is strictly verbal and there is nothing else to support the movie except for the dialogues and the acting. The music is the one other factor that adds onto all that is good in the movie.

The one sore point is the some-what abrupt ending, which shows Mark using his own creation to re-connect with the very 1st person he hurts in the movie. But overall 'The Social Network' leaves a lasting impact with its sharpness and is a very engaging film thanks to the writing department. I'd give it a 4/5.

Even if you're not on Facebook, watch it. If you are, you anyways will.

Ok. So the verdict is out. I have been glued to the television and have been following every reputable network to get an all round coverage of the judgement. For those of you who've missed it, here's the synopsis. I will not be passing any opinions, just presenting the case from both sides.

Now to answer the questions as they are.

1. What's the judgement?

At an elemental level, the core of the judgement says that the disputed land is to be divided into 3 parts, each going to Ram Lalla, the Nirmohi Akhara and the Sunni Wakf Board. Also, the land that was immediately under the dome, where the Ram Lalla idol was placed, IS the birthplace of Lord Ram and the HC identifies it as the Ram Janmabhoomi, a holy place for the Hindus.

2. Who's got the major benefit of the judgement?

Definitely the Hindu factions, comprising of Ram Lalla(a trust will be made by the court for the Lord) and the Nirmohi Akhara, are the major benefactors of the judgement.

3. What exactly happened?

The major turnaround for the issue was the Babri Masjid demolition in 1992 by the BJP Kar Sevaks, who claimed that the Mosque was built on land that previously had a Ram Mandir.

4. How true is this claim?

The court seems to have taken the ASI report as evidence to support this claim. The ASI report claimed that after archeological findings, it was certain that there WAS a grand Temple that stood at the disputed site. Supposedly, Babar demolished this structure and built the Masjid(year unknown), which the Hindu factions saw as unlawful and illegal.

5. What the court says?

The court has upheld this claim and has clearly stated that the Babri Masjid that stood there, was in fact not a mosque in the first place according to the tenets of Islam. According to Islam, no mosque can be built on a land that has been unlawfully acquired. So if there indeed was a temple at the site, as the ASI report suggests, then clearly the Babri Masjid was never a place of worship.

6. How the Hindu party sees it?

They are more or less happy with the judgement, with a few lawyers asking for moving the case to the Supreme Court, as they feel that the entire land must go to the Hindus.

7.How the Sunni Wakf board sees it?

They are partly disappointed and in all probability WILL move the Supreme Court. The only reprieve that the court has given them is awarding of 1/3rd of the disputed land to them. Another point that the Board will pick up is the acceptance by the court of the fact that the Ram Lalla idol was placed in the Masjid on the intervening night of 22-23rd December, 1949. According to them, the mosque was fully functional for many years and just because the idol was placed in 1949, the court cannot consider that space as the Janmbhoomi.

8.Why exactly did the Muslim party lose out?

The major reason why the suit filed by the Wakf board was dismissed was due to the issue of limitation. The Ram Lalla idol was placed in 1949, but the Wakf board went to court only in the year 1961. According to the law, any illegal land acquisition must be reported within 6 years of the acquisition. But the Wakf Board took 12 years, because of which their suit was dismissed.

10. Who will divide the land? What happens now?

The land division will be done by the HC through the established procedures.
As is evident, one or both parties will move the Supreme Court to contest the HC judgement. All in all, it is nobody's victory or loss and is NOT the final word on the issue.


Stay tuned to the news channels for any developments(the saner ones :P).

Religion is always a big issue in India, and people will use it for their ulterior motives. And as far as this issue goes, it refuses to die down.

*sigh

Director : James Mangold.


OK now. This movie was meant to be Cruise's comeback vehicle. For all I know, he can just cruise back to where ever he was before he signed this film, because this film achieves absolute nonsense.

Simply put, Knight and Day is a purrfect example of regressive cinema, where a simplistic plot is blown out of proportion with some big name casting. Sorry guys, doesn't work anymore.



(There's a reason why the actors aren't given in the poster themselves)


Now who'd like to watch a soooper aged Tom Cruise chasing a wrinkled Diaz?? Wouldn't we all just want to stick to the MI's and the Charlie's Angels and keep that memory of seeing the then-young-things sizzle the screen?? Tom and Diaz seem hell bent to redefine themselves, and this movie is what we get, the redefinition gone ALL wrong.

So the story is about this spy agent ,Roy (Tom) who's invented this battery that never fizzes out. Obviously all sorts of people are behind it, the Government, ammunition dealers etc etc..and our man has to find a way to help it get on a plane to Boston. In comes a blonde, June (Cameron) who happens to meet Roy at the airport and he uses her as a carrier of his never-ending battery. Then on, the story just goes on and on about how the "awesome-twosome" (lol!) wriggle out of seemingly impossible situations and (i will shoot you if you ask a prize for guessing) finally end up together.

The plague that Knight and Day suffers from is it is too darned formulaic to be taken seriously. The movie is filled with sequences that you have seen in countless films of the past, not to mention the shamelessly cliched route the film takes to reach it’s 'oh, so the movie's done?' ending. The film has absolutely nothing new to offer, except of course for seeing old farts Tom and Diaz run around trying to fit into the scenes. Another major setback of the film is the lack of any connection with the characters. You couldn't care less if Roy is blown into pieces or June is shot a million times. There is no feeling for the characters at any level whatsoever.

There is nothing much that one can talk about the direction. The look of the movie does appeal at first, with all the brightness in the set up and the shifting action from America to an island to Europe, but it does very little to help the movie. It still sucks.

Which brings us to the cast. The less said the better. Tons of make-up still can't hide those ageing lines and that pimple that just stands out on Tom's face. Though he does revive subtle dozes of the charm he was famous for, it is too little and too washed up. Cameron still has a 'to-die-for' body, but she manages to look ugly with the clothes on. Together, there is little or no chemistry between the two ageing stars and this movie is reason enough for them to realize that a familiar name may ring a bell, but sadly doesn't sell.

The movie fails to prove itself either as an action movie, or the bits and parts of intended rom-com. A complete waste of time and money, this can be best seen on a DVD at home when you have absolutely nothing else to do.

I'm going with a 2/5 for Knight and Day. See it out of complete boredom.

Director: Mani Ratnam

Bhansali did it with Saawariya. So did Ashutosh Gowarikar with WYR and many others. It’s only fair to give Mani Ratnam, or as some call him, the "Spielberg of India" his shot at it. Why even Spielberg's had his share of doing it.

The proverbial 'it' here refers to the bane that affects most talented film makers at some point of their career. I'm talking of course, about self-indulgence. Carried away by their respective styles of art, each of these film makers indulge too much in their respective film making techniques, and the titles I mention above are perfect examples of 'it'.



Now don't get me wrong, because Raavan isn't as bad as the other 'it' films. But it’s just that Raavan finds a mention in this list for the reason that Mani set about making such a grandiose picture, shot at impossible locations with breath taking backdrops and talented actors with an almost wafer thin story line.

Yes, the story now.

In brevity, it’s the story about Beera (Abhishek Bachan), an outlaw and Robin Hood for the tribes of Lalmitti, who kidnaps Ragini (Aishwarya Rai), the wife of the SP of Lalmitti, Dev (Vikram) to settle personal scores of the past. Then on, it’s the story of Beera and Ragini, and their love-hate journey that takes place for 14 days, while Dev scouts the forest to search for his better half with the help of Sanjeevini (an out of form Govinda).

After the terrific opening sequence (don't miss it), the first half hardly has any story, with all the twists and progress in the storyline happening only in the second half. The problem with Raavan lies in the fact that the story isn't engaging enough to draw you into its act of making the choice between who's good and bad. The movie draws several parallels with the Ramayana, with the outlines of Shurpanaka, Laxman, Vibhishan, Hanuman, and of course the Agni Pariksha. Also, it is hard not to pick up the Maoist undertone in the film, which is so very intensified in the lyrics of the song 'Thok de gilli'. I will not elaborate more on the story, because then you wouldn't have anything much to see apart from the beauty of the locations.

Which brings me to the look of the film. It’s hard not to admire the picturesque beauty of the landscapes that Raavan is decorated with. Every scene is lit up and projected so darn amazingly, that you are drawn into the mist, the forest, the rain, the rocks, the water fall, the river, the mountains and everything else that is shown. If only the story had the same energy and feel, this film would have been a master piece. It is precisely due to such jaw dropping backdrops that Aishwarya looks so similar adjectivally beautiful. The film is shot at such impossible locations, that you can't help but admire the effort the team of Raavan has put in to produce such masterful visuals. Absolutely amazing.

In the acting department, Ravi Kisan and Nikhil Dwivedi do their best as the sidekicks on the opposite sides. While Govinda is average, Vikram does his bit in his Bollywood debut wearing his aviators for most part of the film. This brings us to the two main leads. Both Aishwarya and Abhishek sizzle the screen with their act, helped of course by their wonderful chemistry. While Aishwarya looks stunning coupled with some amazing acting, Abhishek tends to border on the over acting but eventually pulls it off spectacularly. Not to mention, he's a treat to watch. Also a treat is the music of Raavan by A.R Rahman, with some inspiring music and wonderfully done background score.

See it on the big screen for it to have the desired effect and decide for yourself.

I'd give it a 3.5/5.

Avatared!

Yes. I know. I know this review is coming after even my lousy neighbor and the lice on his head have seen Avatar a gazillion-bazillion times... or three times.. Whatever! But I can't be blamed. That does NOT mean i know who is to be blamed. Just read the review.. OK?!

Well.. to start off with, lets start with the budget of Avatar. Yes, if an idea takes 13 years to take shape, then the budget has to be the number of minutes in those 13 years right?? When you have a producer who forgets that a cheque has only one line to fill an amount (Try writing 3000000.. on your dad's cheque.. haha!), then ANY lousy idea can be turned into a "magnum-opus".



Now Avatar very narrowly escapes being categorized as above, purely because of the very real-life scenarios depicted so.. Umm.. (Artistically? cunningly??), that makes one believe that Pandora may be far from here, but is metaphorically quite around us. The very obvious references to de-forestation, forceful eviction of people from their lands for development and the very famous notion of man-is-the-most-dangerous-animal spurt out onto your face, quite literally(the movie's 3D you know.. :p). The story is a very basic one, about how the human race, having killed their own mother (read Earth) go to Pandora to kill their’s (read.. well.. Pandora!). An obscure element called unobtanium is supposed to solve all energy problems back home, and the only thing that stands between it and the humans are the (blue-bodied, peace loving, forest-dwelling etc etc..) Na'vi's and the huge tree they live in. A human is sent amongst them to try and convince them to leave the tree they dwell in (which for some strange, unanswerable reason he never makes an attempt to). Now as our human, Jake Sully (Sam Worthington), learns the ways of the Na'vis, he discovers what a loser race he belongs to and takes their side, accompanied by the very lovable na'vi princess of the Omaticaya Clan, Neytiri (Zoe Saldana). What follows is a war that shows all sorts of futuristic weaponry that Cameron could fit on screen. The ending is predictable and not exactly something that makes you go “Awww..”

But what works for the movie, and works hell-loads, is the experience that the film offers to you in 3-D. It is so enchanting and make-believe that you try to shoo away every mosquito that flies in the film and try to dodge bullets that are being fired on screen.

As for the acting, there isn't much to comment on the performances, which are very averagish. Sam Worthington and Zoe Saldana form a strange but lovable pair that pulls you across most of the film.
In the end, the entire credit for the success goes to three entities.
Firstly to James Cameron, to show us that nothing is impossible.
Secondly, to the magic of new-age 3-D, again to show us that nothing is impossible.
And finally, to the producer, to show us that money is after all.. just... paper!

If you aren't already then Go.. Get Avataared!!

Now this isn't written by me, but i found this speech so interesting that i wanted to share this with you guys.This is a speech "supposedly" given during Kurt Vonnegut's commencement address at MIT in 1997. It is littered around with clever takes on life and one-liners that force you to think. Now it wasn't confirmed if this was indeed given by him or not.. but help yourself to this amazing piece! :)

It goes like..

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance.
So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it.

It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.